slowly
i’m learning how to
unravel the you in me.
slowly
i’m understanding the mathematical rhythm
that calculates the spaces between your lips and my heart.
if i didin’t know any better i’d swear
we share the same bloodline
each molecule linked perfectly to the next.
yet slowly,
i’m learning to yield to the need to pacify
the memories that count each and every
second you’re away.
slowly,
i’m leaning to understand
that
distance measures healing…
~For Lilly~
HE" is the first thought of my morning,
and the last thought before i drift into a sleeping sweetness…
i could lie and say i wonder if i am his first and last thought but i know am.
i could lie and say that we’ll make it,
i could lie and say that i’m not afraid of forever,
i could lie and say that we have confidence in love
but… i know that we are mixed up in, the in between thoughts of each other’s minds…
and as days are carried forward, i think of him to feel him near,
and wait to for time to grant the moment:
where eyes can be laid upon flesh,
where whispers can take full advantage of tickling ears,
while fingers lock into themselves in an infinite embrace.
but because i am faithful to the possibility of heartbreak,
we do this slowly,
purposely creating a foundation where dreams and memories can build themselves,
we do it slowly,
carefully caressing the situation surrounded by circumstance.
i move slowly,
Intentionally…
because i know what i want, and understand that it must be given to me freely…
i know it requires patience, and growth for him to believe, to know, to understand that
from him,
i want the parts of his soul he’s never given,
the pieces of his heart he keeps for himself,
and..
when the in time is right, i will be what he always dreamed of,
hidden in a love he never knew Existed…
dear mommy,
i am confused. my heart
shaken,
shattered, then
glued back together in hopes that love would fill the cracks.
but, losing you broke me... bent me backwards... stretched me wide... tangled my limbs and
left me writhing in pain,
left me soiled in the dampness of your resolve,
left me danity, confused,
incoherent to life,
And...
angry at God for taking you away, making you an angel.
so in my Rage, i pawn my memories in order to commit your voice to eternity, marry forever, and bind my sisters in ropes of grief so that we never forget to
love you.
breathe your essence,
feel your presence,
sign your name in tear drops,
and speak your words.
dear chocolate lady,
We are here
Together
ALWAYS...
sometimes i can feel it swelling,
sometimes i can see it coming,
can even hear the presence of it looming,
right before
smell or taste,
right before
the bow breaks...
right before i realize that remnants of salt from tears not quite cleared from yesterday’s path….
i try to run,
try to hide my thoughts
but i know it’s coming
so…
i brace myself for the
BREAK.
i look at them
and
beg them to write,
beg them to pick up pen
and
massage its tip
left to right
across the surface
of paper
without
pause
or
stutter.
