last night I let the thunder beat loudly,
willingly let the fire ignite and burn through
control panes of strength…
i…
allowed the lightening to rain a watery mix of acid and pain
“Relax…. Let it happen…”
“You are safe…it’s ok to be
emotional”
but the
burn was too much, the itch too great,
the
temptation not enough to risk the downfall
the
spiraling out of control.
but she
wanted me to feel, wanted to see the nakedness of my pain,
things
I’m ashamed of and places I won’t go… things I won’t say.
“Relax…. Let it happen…”
“You are safe…it’s ok to be
emotional”
then I
start to feel like she’s too close, to accessible to my truths and the
skeletons laughing behind
my eyes… the ugliness of past transgressions warped
under my skin…
the
ugly facts that I hide daily….
the
secrets I keep from myself to protect a “me” that doesn’t exist anymore.
i wish
I could make her understand that I am only
a
Strength of control,
a shell
of love and anger,
that is struggling to choose happiness...
Trust not graveyards of the absent in intent but be prepared for the increased compassion of shadows we chase as children.
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