Day One.... Challenges

i believe that life is full of challenges, unlike most who believe that life is full of change... doesn't the change present the challenge "to be, or not to be". in this space, at this time, i find myself looking for the happiness outside of my household, yet... comforting myself with the solace of words held hostage by paper dripping emotion hearts can feel ....

but the how, when, and what escape me completely... i need directions for my obsession, a route slaved to my teetering thoughts, a challenge...

Day 1 —Select a book at random in the room.  Find a novel or short story, copy down the last sentence and use this line as the first line of your new story. Random book : Goblet of Fire by J.K. Rowling

"As Hagrid had said, what would come, would come... and  he would have to meet it when it did". Regardless of the facts that remain the same, when time repeats itself in order to unkindly remind you of a past twice removed by memory, you have to face it.

  Hagrid knew better, knew that the future was both promised and uncertain, and most times unwilling to bend to the will of the human touch, but he would try, he would fight, he would give into the pressure of hope and pray for the obvious... A cure. A magical potion of a medicine to cure the incurable, loosen the grip of pain, wash over the damaged, and heal the ailing.

but is the fight possible or even plausible, when the doctor labels you terminal, and sends you home with four months to live attached with a diagnosis of CANCER....

what would come, would come... and somehow we all will have to meet it, when it does....

brokenSILENCE

proclamation of silence

i’ve been meaning to sit down and do this,

but i find myself questioning

the value,

the purpose,

and the significance of

saying what’s on my mind.

honestly no one is worthy enough to hear the pressure of silence once hearts break and dreams are shattered…

i wish i could pour it out,

label it,

store it somewhere in the hallway closet;

but the cuts are too deep to hide;

too painful to be bandaged.

but somehow… they manage to still bleed passion and breathe hope. i thought i wanted to tell this story but my vocal cords have grown cold, my fingers wilted and my conscience unwilling….there’s to much to lose, too less to gain but a story always needs a voice, needs an ending to match then meet a beginning.

a story needs characters, needs to peak in order to fall…a story needs a life, but i am fighting to dead the one buried under my chest cavity...

So where do I tell it?

What ears will hear?

What eyes will bare witness??????

C is for ....

COUNTING

if i had any sense at all i would know that

almost doesn’t count,

and counting your blessings only means,

you count the curses too,

But I count…

the days in between the weeks,

outside of the months,

until I get to cleave myself

the secret,

of the covert affairs,

listed inside the classified articles of my lover.

the articles I tried to stay away from,

the periodicals I tried to tear my ears away from,

But couldn’t.

So I counted…

 13, 23, 31, 33

Telling stories my ears won’t be forced to hear,

37,43,53

Counting memories as dreams bump into my past

and default themselves…

counting the moments for the meantime,

 but between the time where

deaf ears, silence tongues, and muted vision,

can touch what cannot be touched,

slowly

undressing the articles of my lover,

counting them,

one…..

by…..

one…..

B is for Bliss

Can anyone say technical difficulties?!?!?!?!?! Soooooo, within my quest/challenge of writing daily on my blog my laptop decided to die on me. When revived, the signal I was borrowing decided that it now wanted to be private and password protected which sucks horribly but my quest shall continue! Moving on…

B is for………

BLISS

the color of light Aging beyond the horizon,

the smell of nothing familiar, behind the truth,

the taste of everything beautiful but nothing delicious

the sense of direction lost,

TravelingRunningWalkingCrawling in circles,

falling past a thousand fates

into the rush of happiness, to swim in leagues of

FREEDOM.

.

New Year, New Post... A is for Allure

Once again the New Year has snuck up on me again… Well not really…. Every year I hear people say New Year new me, which last all of 2 weeks “IF” that long. For me I’ve have always said that I want to be better than the last year. But for 2014, I want to Challenge myself. Success as well as Failure only comes with Challenges. My Mother has always told me that “Failure is not an option” but I have learned that in order to even reach for success you have to come to the terms that failure must be equally respected and appreciated. That failure teaches us things that we rather not learn, and that in order to succeed at anything you must fail at something. Without failure we would not know what success is.

So, for the first day of this new year I took time to think about how I was going to Challenge myself and  the many ways as well as areas I would challenge myself in. One of those Challenges is writing. Since I don’t write every day I will start by Blogging every day. As a warm up, I’ve decided to use the A to Z blogging Challenge that my good friend Kisura Usiku used in April. Instead of choosing a general topic I will just chose a word from the appropriate letter of the day and simply write what comes to mind….

A is for…..

Allure

Attraction bred with temptation,

Motion colliding with space

Lips to fingers,

Knees to chest,

Motion collides with space

sweat mixing sweetly,

with

waters that cascade,

waters that drip,

waters that tremble

in the wake

of

our

BLISS…..

Chest and Treasure…

 

Yesterday I learned exactly what my son thinks of me… I also caught a glimpse of the kind of man he will become. And after seeing and learning I feel a sense of gratitude that I’ve never known… I am teaching my children that love, respect, and honor are important, but morals and values have to be the foundation. We simply can’t have one without the other. Little did I know, my Angels are…were listening…

So on yesterday the Prince crawled into my bed, kissed my cheek, smiled, and said Happy Mother’s Day Mama, while handing me a card. On the top he drew an action figure with a caption bubble that read: “I am your Armor!”  Below he wrote: Mom, you are the Great Mom I know and I am so happy to have you. I love you so much. I am the Chest and you are my Treasure, I’m always going to protect you, because I love you. My heart melted and still melts every time I think about it.

All I can say is that they get it! My son is becoming the gentleman my Father taught my brother to be! He is getting the message, he is learning the lessons, and I am blessed beyond Measure!

 

Life is Good, really Good….

the dilemma of waiting...

W

aiting… Is not something I do well,  I’d like to think I have the patience thing down…. but the past events of this week have hindered my patience… while writing this I’m trying to find my way like feeling around through darkness even though the lights are on…

The light of  knowing the full truth of the matters, the darkness of not knowing where the boundary lines lie, how much you can attain within it's perimeters, and how much of it's area you can cover… but in this darkness I know EXACTLY what I want….

movies, dinners, afternoon strolls in the park, weekend getaways, the simple movement of everyday life that alludes to waking up next to each other and knowing that this is the first and last place you’d ever want to be… and although I know I can have these things, I shouldn’t want these things, I should abandon these notions but the deepness of my resolve will not allow it. Somehow I feel like it would be right only if I disengaged, gracefully added a cutesy, and walked away…   BUT my selfishness wants to give in selflessly…

I'm falling,

to a place I've never been...

I wonder if HE 

can

catch

ME ...