Lost & Found

                So I’m going through my flash drive and I stumble upon a folder that reads “Wedding Plans”… the funniest thing is that I forget it existed, and I hadn’t opened it since April 2010, almost two years ago… I should have deleted it on site but I didn’t I opened the folder and every document it contained… *deepbreathe* Let’s say it put a small damper on my high spirits or maybe I’m just trying to remember to forget what was. It’s sad that one person can change everything you ever thought about things, and what I am now is not exactly who I used to be… Now I am cautious, callous, and calculating… and to make matters worse I have no interest in sharing myself, at least not the way I used too.



See this is the thing…


*deepbreathe*             I wanted to have his babies           2, 3, or 4 of them


*deepbreathe*             I wanted to bend his realities        cast away the past


*deepbreathe*                   ……………………………                 but I’m no God



               If the truth has to be told… I knew better, but my morals and principles rests in truth, possibilities, justice, righteousness, and second chances… If God lends us second chances shouldn’t man???? I loved him completely regardless of everything, the crimes sentenced, the sins committed, the lies, the nights out, the silent moments that grew cold…


                And still …. I wanted to have his babies, wanted to get married, wanted to give life to the dreams we each had and the ones we dreamed up together…I wanted us to be everything beyond what normal people think love is…because to us love was an active experience something you lived, breathed and touched daily…I wanted all the things I never wanted before, and with him those wants materialized into a needs…


                So finding the wedding I once started to plan makes me remember how deep and willing I used to be… Seeing all that loved displayed on my PC’s screen reminded me that one day, I’d like to experience it again even though, parts of me know it will never happen!!!!

master piece

                                                            
this time i wanted him to paint me in lyric,
a quiet melody with screaming bass lines, haunted by a murmuring treble clef…

this time i needed him to beat my womb in tandem with his heart
and let sweat beads gather in unison,

as
his breath sweeps across my neck traveling,
to where tongue meets collar bone, and
sweet lullabies are sung,
pacing to that place where his heart captures my soul
and ravages my spirit…


slowly,

intentionally,

burning secret desires into my womb
until I whisper his name,
beg him to repeat his rhythm,


on countertops…
backs against mirrors…
hips on stove…


slowly…intentionally…

tongues exchange language,
bodies translate,
and limbs write our verses into pillows,
while we drum our melody into the bed posts…
we call it sheet music


brow to nose,
lips to cheek,
sweat beads on chin,
pelvis thrust,
bodies creep into a bending passion,
making puddles of nectar,



While the Sheet Music Plays


©brokenSILENCE


                                    

lights, camera, action...

Every year I promise to write more on this thing.... And every year I don't... So I'm not promising or saying.. I'm just going to start doing... My newest creation.... Let me know what you guys think...

Poetry blended with passion, long walks to the theatre cuddled mid row, watching… waiting, lights dim, and the lovers pull each other close, close enough to kiss just before the opening act….

Lights, camera, action…

Lonely moments comforted by thoughts of the conversations that draws circles,

Cold nights, warmed by memories of flowers, cards and surprise visits…

The aftermath of the smells, tastes laced by touch…

Climbing to the peak,

Falling into a waterless ocean, but somehow soaked by its essence…

lights, Camera, action…

I wanna allow myself to,

Place fingers on dial pad,

Phone to ear,

And hold my breathe until I hear the sound of his voice…

The thickness mixed with concern

“Hello”

The easiness

“I miss you”

Knowingly

“I wish we could just be”

Lights enhance the picture while capturing the action of the love we had… each day I wish I had prayed for a something to shake loose the memories, and undo the done… a prayer to melt the chains that link your existence in my heart…

…Lights…

but if we talk about the truth,

…Camera…

I nurture every memory, protecting it from everything that was wrong,

…Action…

because I simply don’t want to dirty the you in me!

Lights, camera, Action…

I love you

Lights camera, action…

Forever…

(c) brokensilence