phone bill priority

It would seem as if lately this is a place I come too to vent, and I guess that would be true but at least I’m writing something because for so long I haven’t pressed fingers against keyboard or mated pen with paper and besides… I promised to write whatever there was to write so, we’ll all have to bear with each other and hope that all parties involved are appreciative.

Where do I start this time???

…. At the beginning….

If quiet is kept and the loud mouth is forbidden to speak, then the truth can be set on display… that truth is I set my ex-Love up at times… and maybe it can’t be called a set up but I ask him to do things I know he probably won’t do, and sometimes I am surprised when he comes through. I didn’t realize this until just now, but I test him from time to time… See the thing is “he” says “he’s” ready to come home, ready to have his family back, so I test the theory to see how ready “he” is… I even check with his mother to see if “he’s” been the father “he should” be to “his children”, and every time “he” fails the temperature check… fast forwarding to the present I ask if “he” would pay my phone bill… Conversation starts and “he” agrees first asking how much $50, followed by can I pay it where I am? Where are you? In Richmond. Yes Love, is my response. OK, I’ll take care of it Baby, called ended… I call back around midnight and “he” doesn’t answer, and I already know that “he” didn’t take care of it; I already knew that when yesterday preceded into today, I would awake to disconnected services.


So the question is why does it matter, or why did you ask if you already knew the outcome… Both questions have the same answer: because it was a Chance… People give each other chances every day without even telling them. We test each other and never speak of it… We seek to know the true intentions of a person; we yearn to know if we are truly a priority. In my case I already knew the answer… See the thing is “my ex-Love” still resides in my heart and I talk myself into believing that if “he” fails enough tests, and if I give myself enough chances to see who “he” really is then I can out maneuver him and reclaim my heart, somehow I can prove “he” isn’t worthy of my love, affection and devotion, and then I will be able to rinse him from my heart. Am I mad “he” didn’t pay the phone bill? No. Am I upset my phone is off? No.

I’m only saddened to know that I am truly not a priority,

yet “he” would have me

“THINK” that I am…